Former President George H.W. Bush was asked, “What is your greatest accomplishment in life?” Many would have expected President Bush to mention his success during World War II as a US Navy pilot or even his eight years as vice president to Ronald Reagan. He could have bragged about his time as head of the CIA or what many would have expected … his presidency! However, when answering the question, President Bush said, “My greatest accomplishment is that my children still come to see me.” In that moment, Bush showed us his heart’s priorities and highlighted an important truth. When everything else in life is weighed and considered, there is no more excellent ministry than parenthood.
In Psalm 127:3-5, the Bible reminds us that children are a precious gift from the Lord. “Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: And the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; So are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
Despite this biblical reminder, children are far too often seen as an inconvenience or nuisance. Instead of being a blessing, parenting is often seen as a burden. We must remember that our children have been placed in our lives for a few years. They have been given to us so that we might help them to mature into the adults God desires them to be. We are not to be guilty of forcing them into our moulds. Instead, we are to do everything in our power to mould them into the image of Jesus Christ.
Many can attest to the daily rewards, challenges, joys, and heartaches of becoming a parent. From the start, parenting is a “24/7” job. Generally, parenting begins during or before pregnancy and continues throughout the lifespan of a child. However, many bear the title of parent in other ways, namely through foster care, adoption, and community bonds. Nevertheless, parenting is a subject about which many people hold strong opinions but have little to no clear guidelines. Most things come with a handbook, but children do not.
Challenges
Considering all that is happening in our community and schools, I acknowledge that these are challenging times for parents. Their fundamental role in child rearing has taken on new dimensions, creating distance between their family needs and the support provided by society.
Today’s parents face unprecedented levels of social and economic stress. These stresses include failing school systems, homelessness, juvenile violence, weapons, and substance abuse. Additionally, low income affects a significant percentage of the population.
In many communities, low income and its accompanying side effects make it difficult for parents to create a decent life for themselves, much less afford protection for their children and security for their future. Such anxieties have a formidable impact on households headed by single parents (usually mothers) – a now relatively common family structure. Approximately 30-50% of African-Caribbean families are headed by a female (Jamaica: 33.8%; Barbados: 42.9%; Grenada: 45.3%) (Massiah,1982). It is estimated that 60 percent of children grow up in two-parent homes, and 30 percent live in households where they are raised exclusively by their mothers.
One disadvantage often evident from low-income and single-parent households is teen pregnancy. This statistic is exceptionally high when compared to previous generations. Teen mothers need adequate guidance, support, and preparation for parenthood but are “alone”. With today’s mobile lifestyle and changing family structures, many parents miss the intergenerational transfer of parenting wisdom that once occurred naturally within extended families.
It must be emphasized that economic stress can affect both single and two-parent families alike. The difference is that single parents seemingly must “hold down” two jobs to pay the bills, which can jeopardize the time they spend with their children. While in two-parent households, parents work collectively to make ends meet, typically providing more time to spend with the children. However, all employed parents must overcome similar challenges: finding quality, affordable healthcare and sufficient time to spend with their children. These issues are further augmented for parents in the “sandwich generation”, people caring for their elderly parents while struggling to raise their children. While the challenges affecting parents are numerous, the harsh reality is that parents are still expected to raise their children as assets to the community.
Parenting Lessons
Parenting is not an easy task, and there is no single rule book, but I would like to impart four essential parenting lessons my wife and I used while rearing our children.
- Be a Good Role Model
No matter how much you say, “do as I say, not as I do,” children will follow the example you model more often than the verbal lessons you teach. As such, it is imperative that parents be good role models. It is sometimes humorous (but often sad) to see children, who no one thought were paying attention, tell the same stories, use the same vocabulary, behave, and even dress like their parents.
- Be Unified in Leadership/Parenting
When it comes to parenting, “any two-headed creature is a monster.” This refers to parents who are not unified in their decisions. Parents who engage in this type of “two-headed” approach open the door for children to pit one parent against the other and undermine the authority and leadership of the other parent.
- Build a Personal Relationship with Your Children.
Children who have a good relationship with their Christian parents will have a better and earlier relationship with God. God intended the family to exemplify His relationship with humanity. We are built in His image to give Him glory and bring others to Him. Sadly, many families do not function as God intended and therefore, are not the example He intended them to be.
- Intentionally Train Your Children in the Way of the Lord
Beyond setting a good example, you should engage in the intentional training of your children. We must teach our children about the Lord and how to live in this world. Please do not assume they will learn these things on their own. They certainly will not learn it from their peers or the culture that surrounds them. While the church should be teaching the same things you are, the church’s teaching should reinforce your instructions at home, not replace them. God did not intend for the church or school to be depended on for family leadership.
In closing, I want to challenge us with this thought: Building a child is far easier than repairing an adult. “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” (Frederick Douglass, 1855).
Wayne R Hoyte is the husband of Joycelyn Hoyte and the father of Gabrielle, Brent, and Charis. He is also the pastor of First Assembly of God and a licensed life coach.
[1] https://family.jrank.org/pages/203/Caribbean-Families-Family-Structure.html
