If you were asked to use one word to describe your parenting journey, what would it be? Challenging? Fulfilling? Rocky? Whatever you may choose, I’m guessing it’s not ‘easy’.
Perhaps, like me, you’ve discovered that the only thing that compares to the challenges of parenting is the depth of your love for your children. Your love for your kids is as deep as the challenges are high. And this mothering journey is stretching you in ways you didn’t envision, exposing your weaknesses and testing your mettle and faith.
We can’t blame our children, either. They are precious, wonderful gifts from God on their way to discovering all that God created them to be. They struggle to navigate their way through peer pressure, self-image issues, academic pressure, and family issues just to name a few.
As parents, we have the incredible privilege and responsibility of guiding them on their journey, but sometimes, the task feels completely overwhelming, especially when we are feeling stressed ourselves. But there is hope. We don’t have to let our stress add to the stressors our children experience. Instead, by following these five practical tips we can choose to S-H-I-N-E even when it’s hard.
Set healthy boundaries rooted in unconditional love.
When it comes to parenting, boundaries are essential to protect and guide our children. God parents us in exactly the same way. Admittedly though, some boundaries we set tend to be selfishly motivated and controlling, thrown out without much thought or consideration. When we take the time to set healthy boundaries rooted in protecting the wellbeing of our children and lovingly communicate these to them, they feel loved and secure.
Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death. Proverbs 19:18
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Consider: Have I set clear expectations for my children that are motivated by unconditional love and lovingly enforced? Do I set a godly example for my children by my response to God’s ‘boundaries’?
Hold the criticisms and comparisons.
Sometimes, when our buttons are pushed as so often happens in parenting, we tend to respond first and think after. Before we realise what is happening, we say something hurtful or degrading. Criticisms and negative comparisons weigh heavy on our children, linger long in their minds, and seldom bring about the positive change that we seek.
Our children are created in the image of God and are each unique and special. Nothing we say should make them feel less than ‘fearfully and wonderfully made‘.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
Consider: Do I pause and ponder the power of my words before I react to my children?
Imitate God – extend grace and be fully present.
God is the ultimate parent. He loves us unconditionally, is always there for us and offers to be our guide throughout life. When it comes to parenting there is no better example to follow. He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and overflows with loyal love. When we surrender to God, He gives us the power to extend this same grace to our children.
By being patient and present with our children, eager to forgive when they have done wrong and humble enough to seek forgiveness when we have hurt them, we get to model the grace of God for them.
Consider: Am I spending time with God daily – allowing His grace to transform me? Do my actions point my children to Christ? Am I so busy and distracted that I fail to be ‘present’ with them? Do I take the time to listen to and talk with my child on a regular basis?
Never, ever quit – never lose hope.
Yes, we may grow weary, and parenting may feel like we’re building a mountain with a pile of pebbles – we can’t see how each little pebble makes any difference. But don’t quit. Our work as loving, caring parents is never in vain. Each act of service, each encouraging word, each prayer prayed can have ripple effects far wider than we can imagine.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (Amplified Bible)
Consider: Am I trying to do it all alone, or do I rely on God to provide the strength and help that I need? How do I replenish my hope on a daily basis?
Encourage, encourage, encourage.
And finally, encourage them by our words and actions. Our children will face many naysayers in this world, but we can be their greatest cheerleaders. Let us shine the light on their gifts and talents and embrace them as they are, image-bearers of our heavenly Father, searching, growing and prayerfully becoming who He has designed them to be.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
Consider: How much encouragement do I give my children, in words and action? Do my words of affirmation outweigh my negative remarks? How do I encourage the gifts I see in my children?
Yes, parenting will always be challenging, but when we Set healthy boundaries, Hold the criticisms and comparisons, Imitate God in our interactions, Never give up, and Encourage our children continually, we can indeed SHINE as parents in these difficult times.
