As parents, we want our children to be assets to the community, not liabilities.
This, however, is not achieved overnight, nor is it passively accomplished. Children are wired to be undisciplined. You don’t have to teach them to lie or steal, or to be disobedient and disrespectful. Any observant parent would notice that these traits are innate and expressed at an early age. As parents, though, it is our responsibility to see these expressions and address them for the betterment of our children and society. How do we accomplish this? It comes by acknowledging that discipline is necessary and requires actively involved and emotionally perceptive parents.
Parents must take an active role in rearing their children. In this age of technology, many parents seem to prefer giving their children gadgets to spending intentional time with them. While this may be due to parents being overworked and wanting a break, this can be a huge mistake. I am not saying that it’s wrong for children to have tablets, but I am suggesting that for discipline to occur parents must make a conscious effort to be involved. Parents and guardians must allocate and devote the appropriate amount of time to establishing and reinforcing their relationships with their children. This time is crucial for developing the children’s emotional, social, and cognitive skills, as well as for forming their values, beliefs, and identity. Parents and guardians have the responsibility and the privilege of guiding their children through the various stages of life, which requires a consistent and intentional investment of time and effort. They must also understand that discipline is more than the hand of correction, which I’m not against, but I’ll probably address this in another article.
Discipline can be achieved by reinforcing good behaviour. When you have taught your children the expectations of the household, acknowledge and applaud them when they are seen acting accordingly. Parents can be prone to focus on negative behaviour, or on what should have been or could have been done. When we witness our children doing right, we should not ignore it. For example, if you are fussy when your child doesn’t make the bed although you have taught them, commend them for their effort when they do make it, even if it’s not up to par. As parents, we must remember that we were not always as tidy as we are now. Remember that the skills you encourage in your children today prepare them for adulthood, marriage, and parenthood. I cannot overemphasize the importance of discipline. Note that I haven’t posited discipline as “rod punishment” but as teaching.
In his book The Power of Positive Parenting, Glenn Latham argues that discipline is not about punishment but about teaching children how to behave appropriately and responsibly. He suggests that parents use positive reinforcement, clear rules, and natural consequences to guide their children’s behaviour. Latham also warns against harsh or inconsistent methods that damage the child’s self-esteem and motivation. Alternately, in her book No-Drama Discipline, Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., emphasizes the importance of understanding the child’s brain development and emotional needs. Bryson claims that discipline is not only about changing behaviour but also about building relationships and fostering learning. She advises parents to use empathy, curiosity, and communication to help their children calm down, reflect, and problem solve. She also cautions against using threats, bribes, or isolation that can trigger fear and resentment in the child. Though they share contrasting approaches, both authors agree that discipline is vital to parenting. The approach one prefers depends on the disciplinary goals of the parent(s).
While raising our children, my wife and I allowed the following scriptures to guide us in disciplining them. I would strongly encourage young parents to do the same:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV)
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, KJV)
“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6–7, KJV)
Raising a child is not a solo task. It requires the involvement and cooperation of both parents. I urge those absent from their child’s life to step up and take responsibility. Your parental influence is crucial for your child’s growth and wellbeing. I applaud those fathers who stay engaged and those mothers who support and encourage them for putting their children’s needs first. Parents, you should seek ways to bond with your children and use those opportunities to guide your children towards becoming model citizens, remembering that discipline is essential.
Wayne R. Hoyte is the husband of Joycelyn Hoyte and the Father of Gabrielle, Brent, and Charis. He is also the senior pastor of First Assembly of God, Tortola, B.V.I, and a certified life coach.
